A cedar tree trunk, its branches stripped, serves as a railing along the stairs to our master bedroom. I welcome its invitation to help me pull myself up. I am tired. Bone tired. My back and legs ache.

 Once in bed, I feel the cotton sheets and the cool night breeze wafting in from the nearby window. I sigh, exhaling this day’s work. I need physical rest.

 Though my body begs for sleep, my mind defies the plea. The hamster wheel inside my head spins with thoughts. Not worrisome thoughts. Just thoughts. I toss and turn, praying my mind goes blank. I need mental rest. I need the peace that comes with finding true rest as a caregiver.

 As an empty-nest mother of three kids in their twenties with multiple special needs, you’d think my load would be lighter by now. But parents like me know differently. Our parenting work is never done. In some ways, parenting adult children with special needs can be more complicated when they’re not under our roof anymore. There are adult caregivers to secure. There are more meetings to attend. There are attorneys to draft special needs trusts so our kids will have funds for their care that they can’t manage on their own. We get weary. But we press forward because of love and try not to worry. I need soul rest. I think I need soul rest more than any other kind.

I need to know the weight of our kids’ needs doesn’t depend completely on me and my husband or even other human caretakers. I need to know there’s a love so large, so expansive, so perfect, that will hold our kids and help them long after I’m gone.

Read the rest over at Jolene Philo’s blog:

https://differentdream.com/2021/08/finding-true-rest-as-a-caregiver/