Picture of Hi I'm Heather
Hi I'm Heather

Come stroll the trails with me on our 44 acre Midwest horse farm where I seek God in the ordinary and always find Him--the Extraordinary--wooing, teaching, wowing me with Himself. Thanks for visiting. I hope you will be blessed!

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The Wonder Years & How to Move Through Our Doubts and Fears

Have you ever felt inept? Like you suddenly found yourself in the deep end of a pool with absolutely no idea how to swim?  Have you ever felt scared of what life’s handed you?

 

Awesome! Me too!

 

I’ve been swimming (dog paddling?) through many challenges I thought beyond my capabilities through each decade of adult life:  a marriage that ended when Bipolar Disorder broke his mind and my heart, a doctoral program in Clinical Psychology, a new marriage to a great guy (25 years, this August!), adoption of three amazing kids from Russia—all with hidden disabilities, my own challenges with depression, building and moving to a horse farm after learning how to ride a horse at 44, and now this, at 58:

 

My first piece of traditionally published creative non-fiction writing.

 

Who would have thought that six years ago I’d learn how to write something besides academic papers? Who would have thought an essay I wrote about learning how to ride horses in my 40’s would ever get published? In a book?

 

Certainly not me.

 

In fact, most everything I’ve jumped into in my life has been a scary, arm-flailing, sometimes screaming, sometimes crying, sometimes liking, most often not knowing what I’m doing . . . adventure (?).

 

And every time I jump into the unknown, every time I follow what I believe is God’s lead, I don’t follow with self-confidence. In fact, I battle insecurity. I question my calling. I sometimes beg God to send someone else. I tell Him how horribly unequipped I am.

 

But then, I remember Moses. I remember his who am I’s, his what if’s, his but I’m not’s, and his send someone else, thank you very much.

 

I remember our God who encourages and equips even in our deepest insecurities and reluctances.

 

So here I am, at 58, saying yes to God once again.

 

Here I am, saying ok to God.

 

Here I am, saying send me, warts and all.

 

Send the me who feels inept, insecure, frightened. Send the me who’s shaking in her new boots in this new book that just released to the world yesterday. Send me. Again.

 

Because I know that in my weakness, God is my strength. Because I know God does great things through people who doubt their abilities but who rely on Him.

 

And the little essay I contributed?  This little crust of bread I offer back to God?  This one small fish?

 

This essay is just one of 40 written by women who have dared to take plunges into the unknown (or who have found themselves thrown in) in the second half of life. Together, we are women who have battled disease and weathered disability, who have wrestled and won against worldly definitions of feminine beauty, who have dared to try something new, who have dared to care when we could have walked away, who have raised our collective voices and said, “We will live our lives to the fullest, by the grace of our God.”

 

I’m humbled and honored to “swim” in the “deep ends” of life with these women, especially in our second halves. We have written words we hope will encourage all, both women and men, to keep on swimming in your own lanes, not comparing yourself to anyone else; to brave the unknown, no matter your fear; to go the distance, all for the glory of God and the good of us all.

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