Yesterday, I sat in a chair with my left arm propped up on the examining table. The orthopedic surgeon swabbed the injection site with iodine while I looked away and grabbed the nurse’s hand for support. The doctor warned me the injection would be painful.

In went the needle, clear down to the bone. I kept trying to breathe. Tears filled my eyes as the cortisone dispersed into my elbow. I clenched my teeth tightly and groaned. The nurse coached and comforted me even though I left fingernail prints in her palm. And then we did it all again on my other arm.

Why the bone-deep, painful shots?

Because eight months of bracing, icing and physical therapy hadn’t healed me from damage done to tendons from my hoisting, hurling, and stacking 600 bales of hay in one day.

Eight months later, lifting a coffee mug still hurts. I can’t open jars. Can’t work out with weights. Can’t clean stalls, lift groceries, carry a laundry basket.

Why did I push myself beyond what my arms could bear?

Because our whole winter crop for our horses sat on those wagons. Because rain was coming. Because our hay couldn’t get wet.

For all these reasons, I didn’t listen to my body screaming, “Stop! I can’t lift one more bale! Please!”  Like a taskmaster with a whip, I had no mercy on me.

At 11:30 PM when the last bale was lifted and our barn was full, the clouds burst. I could hardly walk to the house. I wondered if my heart would give out. Turns out, it was only my arms.

Only my arms?

Did I even think about how important my arms are to my everyday life back in July when I insisted those muscles and tendons keep working well beyond their capacity?

Why did I do this to me?  Why do I still push myself relentlessly when it’s not good for me, whether the pushing is with physical work, with people, with ministry?

Does God really want me to damage myself in my “doing”? For Him?  For others? For myself?

I don’t think so.

I think it’s best to listen and follow God’s leading. Surely, there will always be the unavoidable pain of life. But should we heap the unnecessary on that pile?

I want to be done. Done driving myself to the brink and beyond. Done working myself to the bone with not enough rest. Done with anything and everything God’s not calling me to do or endure.

I won’t get it all right, but practice is important. So I will practice God’s way this day. I will treat myself as God treats me, with love. I will do this. Because if I don’t, I won’t be able to love my “neighbor” as God wants.

Will you join me in praying for greater awareness and resolve to know, deep in our bones, the mighty love of God for us? If we resolve, I do believe we’ll spread more Gospel. And, even when we fail, when our arms ache and our hearts break and it’s our own doing, God will pick up the pieces of us, putting us back together with His amazing grace—the amazing grace He wants us to shower on our neighbors once we have tasted what is good.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

Matthew 22:39

I will proclaim the name of the LORD. Oh, praise the greatness of our God!

Deuteronomy 32:3