Sometimes our days are so gray. I know the sun is somewhere beyond, but all I see is gray. Sometimes life isn’t even that bright—that black and white mix we call gray. Sometimes it’s just plain dark.
Like the morning I woke and looked east.
For but a moment I saw the light. And then it was gone from my sight. From below horizon to behind cloud bank, gone. We still believe in things we can’t see. All of us do.
Do we still believe when life grows dark, when dark scares because we can’t see our way?
I stumble around in darkness sometimes, scared to take the next step because I’m too far out ahead.
Ahead and not beside.
Like when my kids can’t function like other kids because of so many disabilities stemming from fetal exposure to alcohol and now two who are grown can’t function like other young adults and it doesn’t look like they ever will and I can’t see beyond the next step of our lives and and we’re getting older and tired and I don’t know who will take care of them when we’ve left this life and I forget to even take a breath.
And my life starts to feel like a run-on sentence.
Why do I fear? I know God. I’ve walked with Him for years. Even still, I forget and try to walk by sight instead of faith.
Ahead and not beside.
Like when my kids can’t function like other kids because of so many disabilities stemming from fetal exposure to alcohol and now two who are grown can’t function like other young adults and it doesn’t look like they ever will and I can’t see beyond the next step of our lives and and we’re getting older and tired and I don’t know who will take care of them when we’ve left this life and I forget to even take a breath.
And my life starts to feel like a run-on sentence.
Why do I fear? I know God. I’ve walked with Him for years. Even still, I forget and try to walk by sight instead of faith.
But God, in His infinite goodness, invites me to walk by faith and not sight to keep me close. Could it be that He gives me light for the moment because He wants me to walk with Him and talk with Him who holds my future? Could it be He knows what soothes and fills my soul and it’s Him, not the future known by me?
Maybe times of darkness are times of goodness, times of grace.
Maybe God knows best just how much we should know, how much light for the moment to shine.
Yes, God knows.
And as long as He holds the light as well as my hand, I will walk and not stumble.
I will walk and not be afraid.
Though the darkness hide thee . . .
Holy, Holy, Holy . . .
Lord God Almighty . . .
Early in the morning . . .
Sunny or cloudy . . .
Take my hand.
Be my vision.
Help me walk and not be afraid.
You know, I like walking hand-in-hand beside because walking together beside is better than walking alone ahead. How about you?
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? . . . If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for the darkness is as light to you.
Psalm 139:7, 11-12